Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
