i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
