i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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