We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
