Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
