dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
