shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
