Porn is love you can see.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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