her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I need a beard to bite.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
