I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
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Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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