so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
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