I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
