There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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