You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize