he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
