At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
