If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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