If that was your dad, he is hot
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
