We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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