Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
