It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize