We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize