don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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