WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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