Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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