Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
