Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
