did you get engaged???
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
