maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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