can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize