Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with youâ€
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