my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Never joke about your clitoris.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
