Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
