Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
