someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
