You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
