Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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