Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
