you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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