I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
