Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
