So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
