Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
a search helicopter?!
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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