i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He did a backflip because drugs
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
