I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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