I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My cat gives me a boner
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I got inside last night via doggy door
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
