That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
