I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
