So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize