So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
