hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
