im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
