i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
