you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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