He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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