I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So much Jack, so little girl.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
