Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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