I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
