A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
