dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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