Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
