if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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