Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
This is the high leading the old right now
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
