I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
