I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
