Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize