i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
