My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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