Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
