I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
